Google Romance is a place where you can post all types of romantic information and, using our Soulmate Search™, see search results that could, in theory, include the love of your life. Then we'll send you both on a Contextual DateTM, which we'll pay for while delivering to you relevant ads that we and our advertising partners think will help produce the dating results you're looking for.
Ah, so you noticed that, huh? It’s true, this general question and answer probably don’t belong in an FAQ to begin with. Please don’t tell our boss.
Here on the Google Romance team, we follow the philosophy "Don't
be medieval," so we brought only the latest psychographic
and search algorithms to bear on the problem of hooking up
our users. First you fill out an extensive personal profile
carefully designed by a team of both married and single Google
engineers for the express purpose of gathering and analyzing
romantic information. Then you fill out an equally obscure
and elaborate profile describing various attributes of the
person with whom you wish to spend the rest of your life and
click ‘Search Romance.’ It’s that simple.
Well, you know how when you do a regular Google web search, you get back uncannily accurate search results?
Yeah, that’s why our early testers thought that Soulmate Search’s “Did you really mean…?” feature came in very handy.
It’s a free date plus the added accrued value of the past decade’s worth of post-Industrial Age online marketing genius, all tied into a real-time, video-based, GPS-tracked, psychographically astute and environmentally pervasive promotional system.
You see ads that might make your date better.
Flowers. Music. Personal advice. E-greetings. Later on, depending on how our long-term opt-out natural-language-based monitoring system thinks things are going, personalized thank you notes, romantic getaway offers, various intimate pharmaceutical come-ons, engagement and bridal wear catalogs – you know the drill.
Don’t use the product.
What do you mean when you ask us what we mean when we say
Google Romance is a beta product? It is what is it, okay?
It’s new, it’s probably still buggy, which is to say that yes,
by using this product now you conceivably are setting yourself
up for a disastrous outcome – but on the other hand, you might
also be on the verge of thrilling to an experience that will
transform your very existence and only could have come about
because you took this step, right here, right now. You’re online;
take a chance. We may never pass this way again. Carpe
diem. The world could, like, end tomorrow, you know?
Gather ye rosebuds while --
Great, babe, great.
Just sit back and relax. And say, we’re curious – what’s your sign?