Google MentalPlex Frequently Asked Questions
- What is MentalPlex search?
- What are the benefits of MentalPlex search?
- Does MentalPlex search read minds?
- How was MentalPlex search developed?
- Is MentalPlex search dangerous?
- How can I invest in MentalPlex search technology?
- Does MentalPlex violate my privacy?
- Who should use MentalPlex?
- Who should NOT use MentalPlex?
- MentalPlex troubleshooting
1. What is MentalPlex search?
Unlike regular search engines that require you to type a query
to conduct a search, MentalPlex search anticipates your request by evaluating
over 1.3 billion variables including:
- the last 5 sites you visited before coming to Google
- current air pressure, humidity and ozone content
- astrological configuration at the time of your visit
- speed and vectors of your mouse movement
- personal aura and brainwave activity
Using proprietary predictive search algorithms developed
through 13 years of research by an international consortium of PhDs in the
fields of artificial and pseudo-intelligence, parapsychology and improbability,
MentalPlex is the only search engine that accurately returns results without
requiring you enter a query. Google's CEO and co-founder Larry Page calls
MentalPlex "a quantum leap in finding what you are looking for on the Internet.
Typing in queries is so 1999."
2. What are the benefits of MentalPlex search?
- Easy-to-use: Users no longer need to think in Boolean
query terms or use quotes, linear thinking or logic. With MentalPlex, you
just project a mental picture of what you want to find.
- Acts like your psychologist: Don't know what you
want? MentalPlex can help. Instead of projecting a specific image, open your
mind and let MentalPlex poke around. The search results can be very revealing
about your innermost self. (Caution: open searching is best performed behind
- Works in all languages: Since MentalPlex works from
mental images instead of words, language is not a problem. If your right brain
conjures a different image than your left brain, try using your dominant hemisphere
for ideal performance.
3. Does MentalPlex search read minds?
Don't be ridiculous. Mind-reading is impossible. MentalPlex
technology senses electronic field variations created by concentrated thought
and can interpret those field variations as broad categories of content. Mind-reading?
Really now. We're talking about science here.
4. How was MentalPlex search developed?
As with the Internet itself, MentalPlex began as a highly
classified Dept. of Defense initiative under the direction of Al Gore. The
Plex-Project was intended to predict the outcome of closely fought battles,
saving countless lives and giving generals a leg up in college basketball
In the early 1960s, Chaos Theory laid out the sensitive dependence
on initial conditions in prognostication. In other words, even itsy-bitsy
little insignificant things have the potential to have a major effect on the
world at large. This was borne out through subsequent research in political
and popular culture.
In 1997, Google co-founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin postulated
a "Unified Theory of Predictability" while attempting to calculate how long
it would take to complete their doctoral work at Stanford University. The
result of their work was MentalPlex, a search engine that evaluates 1.3 billion
variables to predict with extremely high accuracy the nature of a user's query
before it's expressed.
5. Is MentalPlex search dangerous?
MentalPlex is designed to be used as a substitute for most
normal searching. In fact, MentalPlex is safer than traditional searching because
it eliminates the need for typing, a leading cause of Carpal Tunnel syndrome.
Some users unaccustomed to concentrated thought may experience side effects
such as headaches, dizziness or flashes of brilliance. These will quickly pass.
6. How can I invest in MentalPlex search
Google Inc., is a privately held company and is not seeking
further investment at this time in MentalPlex technology. Google is however,
seeking investment in our new software line, which can be found by clicking
7. Does MentalPlex violate my privacy?
While MentalPlex does have the potential of probing your deepest
darkest secrets and desires, this information is only used in aggregate and
rarely sold to advertisers unless they ask very, very nicely.
8. Who should use MentalPlex?
MentalPlex can be used by anyone on the Internet but this technology
is especially useful for:
- infants, Luddites, chimpanzees and other primates who
- people who know what they want but have problems expressing
themselves clearly (e.g., shy persons, 14-year-old boys and actors accepting
9. Who should NOT use MentalPlex?
MentalPlex works well for almost everyone. There are a few
people who may experience some difficulties with MentalPlex until they become
accustomed to the interface.
- skeptics, cynics and doubting Thomases will likely find
their queries cannot pass through their internal defense mechanisms
- the imaginatively challenged. MentalPlex requires fully
formed mental pictures to function most effectively. Those who are unable
to visualize the object of their desire in detail may receive disappointing
10. MentalPlex troubleshooting
Problem: MentalPlex keeps taking me to sites featuring
rubber toys, nipples and diapering.
Answer: Your infant is too close to the monitor. If you have no children,
you may want to consider counseling.
Problem: I am unable to visualize clicking and have
to use my finger to activate the mouse.
Answer: Click visualization takes practice. Try pushing the mouse button
with your eyebrow, then gradually increase the distance between your eye and
Problem: I have a clear picture of what I want, but
no results are returned.
Answer: The object you desire may not be found on the web. If you are
looking for the current location of Atlantis, Amelia Earhardt or your car
keys, MentalPlex may not be able to help you.
Note: This page was posted for April Fool's
Day - 2000.
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